Relationships Are An Integral Part of a Happy LIfe

Everyone needs a good friend.  Someone that you can vent to if things are tough.  Someone to celebrate with.  Someone that is always there for you.  Life is very lonely if you never build relationships.

At the same time, an adult maintains multiple relationships.  If you are a married parent with a child in school, lets take a mother, you have the:

• Mother - child relationship
• Husband - wife relationship
• PTA Mom - school relationship
• Friend relationships
• If you work, you have the relationship with your boss or employees

All of these relationships are different.  You deal with each of these in a different way, because you have differing responsibilities.  There are several steps to strong relationships.  They don't just happen. 

The baseball diamond below depicts the steps that we must follow for a successful relationship.  Remember, in a baseball game there are rules on how you score a run.  You must go in a particular sequence--from Home Plate to First Base, First Base to Second Base, Second Base to Third Base, Third to Home Plate and you score a run.  You cannot skip any steps in building a relationship either.  So refer to the following diagram as you read on.

First, you must show someone that you care for them.  The other person must see that you have a genuine interest for them.  You must be sincere in your efforts to build a relationship.  That means that it is NOT about you.  You will ask them something about their life, their interests and listen intently to their response.  Maybe, you compliment them because they are wearing something that looks good, or is something that you would wear yourself.

Second, you must build a trust.  You do this by sharing something about you with them.  If they see that are being vulnerable, the relationship will grow.  When you are willing to share something about yourself, you are risking the possibility that they will use that vulnerability against you, but a true friend would never do that.  You must take chances in a relationship.  You will share your inner thoughts, a weakness you struggle with, or something that is important to you or troubling you.  Those are things you don't share with everyone, but you do with a friend.

If both of you are being vulnerable, then you will begin to support each other.  That support comes in the form of challenging one another to be better at things, or it may be encouraging someone to be strong in a difficult time.  That support feels great.  You know that you have someone that you can count on when times get tough, or when you want to celebrate.

Keep in mind that in a new relationship, you must be willing to take the first steps in showing care, trust, and support.  This takes time.  It won't happen in one, short visit.  A relationship is something that you must work at building.  The reward is that you will be connected with that person through thick and thin, through heartache and euphoria.  You will want to be there for that person and they will always be there for you.

Building and supporting your team is exactly the same.  In order for someone to see that you will be their mentor, they must understand that you really care for them.  They must know that they can trust you, and that you will always support them.  The same goes for every human relationship that you find yourself being a part of.

Be A Good Listener

In order to be a true friend to someone, you must be a good listener.  All of the conversations can't be about you.  Rather, you must be willing to listen to that person and understand their perspectives.  If the relationship is all about you, then the other person will grow weary and feel unimportant at some point.

Everything your friend does is probably NOT going to be exciting or interesting for you, but that's where compromise is important.  The same thing applies concerning you.  Some of things you do are not really important to your friend, but a true friend will  be there for you to share your experiences and hear what you like.

I like watching Major League Baseball games on television, but I also know that a lot of people are 'bored to death' watching it.  Some people like to collect all kinds of frog figurines.  That doesn't interest me in the least, but if I have a friend who collects frogs, I'm going to be thinking about that person when I see a unique frog figurine and I may buy it for them if I know they don't have that one.  You should do things, because you care about that person, whether or not, you have the same likes or dislikes.

You MUST know the NEEDS of a person before you can help them.  You must listen to people to understand what needs they have.  Let's say that I have a friend who doesn't like baseball at all.  If I gave them 4 tickets to see the Yankees and Rangers play, would that really be a good gift?  Only if they could sell the tickets and make some money.  Your gift must be something that they enjoy in order for it to fulfill a need.  If your friend is needing to feel accepted and you tell them, "Just do it and don't worry about what people think," have you made them feel any better?  Absolutely NOT!  You need to reassure them that people are going to find them interesting, or give them ideas on how to be accepted.

When you are in the middle of conversation, stop and listen to what the other person is saying.  Don't just sit there, waiting to tell them what you want to say, not caring about what they have to say.  Your response needs to show that you heard what they had to say and you either what to confirm that, or voice an alternative view.  This applies to conversations between friends or business partners; between a parent and child; between a teacher and student, or between a manager and an employee.

Your relationships will be greatly improved when you are a good listener!

Make Someone's Day!

I'm going to keep it short today, but here is a suggestion given to me a few years ago that I am so glad that I followed through with.

Was there someone in your past that really made a difference in your life?  Someone that did something special for you, yet you haven't ever expressed just how much that relationship meant to you.  Even if you haven't spoken with them for the last 15 or 20 years, give them a call and let them know that you were thinking about them, and that you want them to know just how important they were in your life!

It will make you feel great in addition to how you will brighten that other person's day!

Have a great day!